Always Be Han

These last couple months I've been intentionally silent.  After choosing to step out of the narrative and instead devote my time to reading, processing, reflecting, and praying, I figured now was a good time to break my silence only because there's something I really want to share with you.  When I started this whole thing about a year ago (!!!), I promised myself I would be completely transparent -- primarily in my struggles and all of the things the Lord is teaching me as I walk with Him. I don't write my posts to give the impression that I have it all figured out. I would much rather use this as a space to highlight my imperfections, with the hope that there is one person who will find encouragement from these words; and also, to allow those of you who read these words to hold me accountable. More often than not, the way I choose to act contradicts the things I claim to believe. There is no discernible difference between the wrong choice and the almost right  one -- ne...

A message to my white friends: Conviction weighs heavy on my heart once again. I should have said something sooner, but I am not supposed to stay silent. I don't know if I've found the right words, but these thoughts are authentic and these intentions are pure. I encourage you to keep reading and, as you do, I hope you will do your best to empathize with me. Maybe you're tired of seeing these posts. Let me remind you that this is much bigger than politics -- because before we label ourselves Republican or Democrat, black or white, we are first and foremost human. From the very beginning of humanity, we were made to live in unity with one another. Our differences were meant to be celebrated, but instead they've divided us. I want to make it very clear that I have nothing but respect for (most of) the men and women who wear blue in our country. But, what happened on Monday should not have happened. And if we do not voice our frustrations, it will continue to happe...

"Build a longer table, not a higher fence." - Manda Carpenter I came across this quote while casually scrolling through Instagram one day and conviction hit me hard. Instantly, I felt guilty because (if I'm being honest) there's a fence around my heart that's been built 100 feet high. In a world where it's become the norm to put up walls for our own protection and comfort, it's still so important to love everyone. To make room at our table for everyone. Yes, you read that right. I said everyone . That means loving those we disagree with, those who are different than us, and even those who have hurt us. (Note that our call to love them doesn't mean we give them a free pass to keep hurting us. I really hope you realize the difference.) If you choose to keep reading, I encourage you to be honest with yourself because honesty is the first step to tearing down our fences. Let me tell you what I mean. Criticism, conflict, prejudice, p...

I spent the first 18 years of my life going to church, but I never truly believed in the God they preached about. I tried to, but I wasn't always convinced that He was as great as they said He was. I would pray and see no evidence of God's goodness. What I did see what hardship and suffering and oppression. I developed a lackluster faith, which was only there to make me look good. This made it impossible for me to go all-in with God. I refused to put my trust in something I couldn't see, so for 18 years I tried to live life my way. ( Tried is the key word here. It didn't really go as planned, but we're getting to that.) We live in a world where we are taught to put ourselves first (and don't get me wrong, there are a lot of great things about you and me), but in my own experience, my self-seeking life left me feeling like there's got to be something more. I tried everything to find contentment, but still felt I was missing something. Eventually, I fou...

Grandparents are without a doubt one of the greatest blessings in the whole world and I am fortunate enough to have had nine (yes, nine) of them. They're kind of like Disney movies -- it's impossible to pick a favorite. Each of my grandparents means so much to me and I so badly wish I could've lived next door to all of them growing up. I was lucky enough, however, to live just a short 30 minutes away from my Grandma and Grandpa Roush for the first 17 years of my life. My siblings and I have spent so much time at their house over the years. I know because of that, these two in particular have had a huge impact on the person I've become today. I wanted to find a way to let them know how much they mean to me, because I'm not sure I've ever told them. Some of my best childhood memories can be attributed to weekends spent at my Grandma Marilyn and Grandpa Jerry's. My siblings and I would spend our days climbing trees, having water fights, and eating toma...

Truth time: This season I'm in right now... is a lot harder than I thought (and I'm not talking about quarantine). Has life ever thrown something your way that catches you off guard completely? You have about a million  other problems you should be dealing with and this one is just the tip of the iceberg. Completely unexpected (and unauthorized, too). You're thinking  this isn't how it's supposed to be  or this wasn't my plan. Yeah, I feel you. And I know my problems are trivial in the grand scheme of everything that's going on in the world, but to me they're real and they're valid and they need to be dealt with. But how? Life didn't prepare me for this. I wasn't expecting this kind of hurt so I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to get through this. Wait... let me start over. Truth time: This season I'm in right now... is just a season. However you choose to fight your battles, know that they will (eventually)...